Markiplier and the Queen of the Wilderness: Transcript
This is the transcript for Markiplier and the Queen of the Wilderness. Transcript Markiplier: Hello, everybody! My name is Markiplier and... Oh, there's Bob and Wade! (Markiplier gets handed a letter) Markiplier: Gotta be careful to open this letter. Don't want to spill my coffee. (the letter is a note) Markiplier: "Mark, please meet up with... the 'Queen' of the Wilderness?" Bob, do you think there's a Queen of the Wilderness? Bob: No. I don't. Wade: People keep saying- Markiplier: Shut up, Wade! I gotta stay focused on this letter. Bob: Good thing we have a letter. Markiplier: Exactly! Now all we need is... (jacksepticeye appears) jacksepticeye: Top of the morning to you, laddies! My name is jacksepticeye! Markiplier: Can you help us with this? jacksepticeye: Of course I can! We need passports to Canada, though... Markiplier: Good thing I have these passports! What's the worst that could happen? Wade: We could get stopped by a bear, Cupquake would want to greet us, the usual... Markiplier: Shut up, Wade! I just had an idea! Bob: What is this idea? (cut to Markiplier, Bob, Wade, and jacksepticeye at the forest) Markiplier: I dunno what's going on in here... Bob: I know what's going on! (a bear appears) Markiplier: Oh, no! What are we going to do? My mind's gone blank and it's gone to hell. ????: Stop right there! Leave them alone! (the bear gets attacked) Markiplier: I'm sorry, but is this a bear-wrestling thing? ????: There we go! Come with me! Markiplier: OK, then. jacksepticeye: There's something really strange about her... Markiplier: Yeah. She was pretty bada** and she sent that bear to hell. Bob: That's besides the point. Markiplier: So, what's gonna happen next? jacksepticeye: Hey, Mark. I found your friend. Markiplier: Is that... Tiny Box Tim? Tiny Box Tim: Hey, Mark! Markiplier: Hey, Tim! What are you doing here? Tiny Box Tim: Mark, that girl who just saved your life... I don't wanna talk about it! Markiplier: She just wrestled a bear! Tiny Box Tim: That's besides the point! Markiplier: And I got this letter from Bob and Wade! Tiny Box Tim: Mark, you just saw her! Markiplier: I saw the Queen of the Wilderness? Tiny Box Tim: Yes, Mark. Markiplier: Yeah, I love working at Disney World. It's my favorite. ????: You wanna know who I am? Markiplier: Yes. Wade: Mark, do you think it's a little risky if- Markiplier: Shut up, Wade! jacksepticeye: So, what's her name? ????: (giggle) Bob: Tell me everything I want to know, Jellina. Markiplier: Wait, her name is Jellina? G**dammit! Jellina: And what's your name? Markiplier: Mark Fischbach, but my friends call me Mark and I'm known on YouTube as Markiplier. Jellina: So, how was your day? Markiplier: It was gonna be g**damn awesome, but I had to see you instead. But the way you wrestled that bear was g**damn awesome either way. Jellina: So, what are your titles? Mine is Queen of the Wilderness. Markiplier: I'm both King of the Squirrels and Five Nights at Freddy's. Bob: I'm King of the Werecats. Jellina: I dunno if werecats even exist. Bob: Tried to kill them with Cool Ranch flavored Doritos, but we failed. Markiplier: We ran out of Cool Ranch Doritos because we knew we were in trouble when we heard the cat scales. Wade: I carried a lot of Cool Ranch Doritos. And I got attacked by the Werecats. Jellina: Ouch! That must've hurt! Markiplier: I know. We had a blast trying to kill the werecats. Bob: Yeah. And that's how I became King of the Werecats. Jellina: Umm... guys? Wade: I had a story- Markiplier: Shut up, Wade! Jellina: Guys? Bob: This one, fateful day- Jellina: GUYS! This thing has been going on for too long! Markiplier: What thing? Jellina: The thing with my cousin. You're seeing her too much. Markiplier: You mean the one who gave me the world's fastest-growing coffee seeds in the world? Jellina: Yes. Bob: The one who can turn into different animals? Jellina: That's her! Markiplier: Do you have any siblings? Jellina: Why, yes. I do. Markiplier: Tell me. Jellina: There's Peanut. I suppose you found him two years ago. Markiplier: OK, considering how I started my YouTube channel in 2012... Jellina: And then there's Butter. She is a college student now. Markiplier: I didn't know otters can attend college. Jellina: Yeah. Otters grow up faster than other people. Markiplier: It took 2 years for you guys to turn into the responsible adults you are now? G**damn! Jellina: And then there's our cousin. She's still 14. Markiplier: Oh, the Not Allowed to Grow Up trope? Jellina: How'd you know about that? Markiplier: I read about it online. Jellina: Interesting. Tell me more. Markiplier: Well, I didn't know your cousin can own a shop at 14. Jellina: I didn't know that either. Markiplier: Well, have you seen my other videos? Jellina: No, I haven't. Markiplier: I played Destroy the P**n, Trollface Quest, One Chance, Amnesia, With the Addition of Markiplier, the Henry Stickmin series, VVVVVV, :the game:, and Five Nights at Freddy's, among many more. Jellina: Wow. You're a good YouTuber. Markiplier: I know. Am I awesome? I also have some alter-egos, like Wilford Warfstache and Ludwig von Bawlincrusher. And some people say I have another alter-ego named Darkiplier, but... Bob: Mark doesn't like to be called Darkiplier. Markiplier: So, when can we meet again? Jellina: Are you really King of the Squirrels? Markiplier: Yes... I am. Jellina: I would, but... I dunno. Markiplier: It's okay. I'll still be here. Jellina: OK. Bye! Markiplier: Goodbye! (back at Markiplier's house) Markiplier: G**dammit, I saw her and... and... Bob: And what? Markiplier: This is the most epic thing of my life! Wade: What's this? Markiplier: Some sort of VHS. I dunno. Wade: I don't think we should play it- Markiplier: Shut up, Wade! Let's play the damn tape! (The PB&J Otter episode "Otters of the Wild" is seen) Markiplier: This brings so many memories back to children of the 90s... if they were three... Peanut: (on the TV) Wow! Otters of the Wild is my favorite book ever! Markiplier: Meh, books are for nerds. Jelly: (on the TV) Mine, too. When I grow up, I'm gonna be Jellina, Queen of the Wilderness- Markiplier: You already are. I just saw your older version. Ernest: (on the TV) GOOD FOR YOU, YOU LITTLE S**TS! Markiplier: Is this a bootleg copy? Because the language is so g**damn awful! Opal: (on the TV) Ernest! Don't use such language in front of them! Markiplier: You go, girl. (the TV cuts to static) Markiplier: Uh-oh. ?????: F**k you in the eyes! Markiplier: This isn't gonna bring a preschoolers' attention! This is totally crap past the radar! Ernest: (on the TV) What the f**k just happened? Opal: (on the TV) Well... the oven went out of hand... Markiplier: Yes. It did. Ernest: You f**ked up, b***h. Now we're going to starve because of you- Markiplier: Have you heard of something called Don't Starve? It's a game on Steam! (five minutes later) (the VHS ejects itself) Markiplier: That is definitely gonna ruin everyone's childhood if every kid finds out about this s**t. Bob: Some have already had their childhood ruined! Markiplier: But still, we gotta destroy the damn tape! Wade: Who do we ask? Markiplier: The person whom we met minutes ago. (cut to the Canadian wilderness with Markiplier, Bob and Wade) Markiplier: Hey! Jellina! Jellina: Yes? Oh, it's you. Markiplier: We came back to destroy this bootleg tape! Jellina: That's not a bootleg tape. Markiplier: I heard irony! Jellina: Actually, this is a creepypasta! Markiplier: Nailed it, Jellina! Hey, Slendy! Would you please destroy this accursed tape? Jellina: Who's this "Slendy"? Markiplier: Slenderman. Jellina: Did you say Slenderman? (Jellina gets out a hammer) Jellina: You take care of it. Markiplier: Thank you. (Markiplier destroys the bootleg tape) Markiplier: The King... of Five Nights at Freddy's... has triumphed... AGAIN! (back at Markiplier's house) Markiplier: I loved how I destroyed that bootleg tape. Bob: I know. Wade: What would've happened if- Markiplier: Shut up, Wade! Wade: I was being sincere. Markiplier: OK. Wade: I mean, is it possible she's in love with you? Markiplier: Shut up, Wade! My heart is already set on Cupquake. (end)